As you may be hearing on the news, a giant apocalyptic ice and snow storm monster is in the process of destroying some parts of Arkansas. This reminded us of our responsibilities as beer bloggers; we must write about beer…. Neither rain, nor snow, nor asteroid impacts, nor prohibition, nor lava breathing bat-winged yeti monsters will cease our beer blogging. Let’s all take a moment to prepare. Follow these easy steps if you want to survive.
Buy milk and bread NOW – Fact: if the Donner Party had bread and milk, They would have reached California in 3 days. (Too soon? It’s been 167 years…) Also remember to act panicked while at the store.
Use a generator – Generally speaking, you can fit up to 5 generators in your kitchen! Just remember to plug as many appliances into them as possible, and splash gas everywhere when you refuel.
Post on Facebook – Remember that everyone will be looking for your updates about specific weather conditions, rather than look out the window. It’s the law to post about weather on Facebook. Don’t forget to post photos of your back porch on Instagram!
Buy good beer – Stay happy and healthy with craft beer. Avoid mass-produced corn beer. Fun fact: Bud Light increases your odds of getting attacked by snowball throwing gang bangers 3,412%.
Act calm – Now is the time to panic. Icicles are dangerous…and pointy…and have an evil agenda.
Realize that this weather will clear up in a few days – What if this is the start of another Ice Age and the media are too scared to report it?
Research ways to prepare yourself - Instead, just follow the lead of others. If your neighbor buys bread, you buy bread. If your neighbor puts tube socks on his windshield wipers, by all means, do the same.
Take this blog post seriously - I mean, come on. It’s obviously crazy. Except for the part about beer.